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Forum moderator: Minx, Mckinley

Leaving you with a smile

Minx

Date: Wednesday, 2009-01-21, 7:26 AM | Message # 1

Lieutenant colonel

Group: Administrators

Messages: 128

Reputation: 2

Status: Offline

these were sent to me by a good mate hope you all enjoy

"How to Install a Home Security System on a Budget"

1. Go to a second-hand store, and buy a pair of men's used, size 14-16 work boots.

2. Put them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Hey, Bubba, Duke & Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell with all the blood."

P.S. "I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."

INSTALLATION COMPLETE!

We were not created to control one another,We were created to be one Control what we create together

Minx

Date: Wednesday, 2009-01-21, 7:28 AM | Message # 2

Lieutenant colonel

Group: Administrators

Messages: 128

Reputation: 2

Status: Offline

This is an actual letter sent to the then DFAT Minster, The Hon Alexander Downer and the then Immigration, The Hon Minister Amanda Vanstone. The Government tried in desperation to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it nearly wet themselves laughing!
Please excuse the language contained within, but I suspect the author was somewhat upset? I'll let you decide!

Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely fucking astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes workin' there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo.. that'd be too fucking easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our fucking heads cut off, and then having to find some high society wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you fucking morons

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850!
In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'
You are all Fucking idiots

We were not created to control one another,We were created to be one Control what we create together

Minx

Date: Wednesday, 2009-01-21, 7:29 AM | Message # 3

Lieutenant colonel

Group: Administrators

Messages: 128

Reputation: 2

Status: Offline

A very different take on frogs and princesses…

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mum and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, the other guests at the table noticed her chuckling and saying to herself under her breath, "I don't think so."

Smile and the whole world smiles back at you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were not created to control one another,We were created to be one Control what we create together

Minx

Date: Wednesday, 2009-01-21, 7:30 AM | Message # 4

Lieutenant colonel

Group: Administrators

Messages: 128

Reputation: 2

Status: Offline

Hope you all enjoy

We were not created to control one another,We were created to be one Control what we create together

shiviar